Tempe, AZ (home base)
USA
A Relationship That Comes With Baggage… and Fees
It’s finally here. Vacation time. I’ve spent the last couple days before my trip packing the perfect suitcase. I’ve sacrificed the “perfect pleat” so my pants would fit, I’ve folded my shirts into bread slice-sizes, and I’ve even left a perfect spot where my toiletries kit is going to go. I haven’t forgot anything…except the math. Boo.
I majored in English Literature so it only stands to reason that this: ‘3-1-1 for carry-ons = 3.4 ounce bottle or less (by volume); 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. 1-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring’ (as quoted online) is too many numbers for me…
Did you get that? Neither did I. In fact, without reading it again for the thirtieth “still-not-comprehending” time, I simply looked at the group of bottles waiting to be packed and knew I had too much. But how can that be? Sadly, long ago I set aside my adorable Old Navy cosmetics bag that holds full bottles of great smelling shampoos, an inordinate variety of lotions and perfumes, and a special spot, just for my contact solution, and switched over to the now customary toiletry kit we all know as “the baggie”. The thin, non-cute, sheet o’ plastic that we are forced to trust will deny shampoo and lotion’s access to our clothes tucked neatly next to them.
Screw it then, I’ll just check my bag. But wait a tick, I looked at my airlines website and it’s going to cost me $20 to check a bag. And I’m a single girl with one measly little suitcase. What if my sister, her husband and their three kids want to go to Disneyland? $20 x 5 = I guess we don’t eat on our trip.
Okay, next idea. What if I spend $20 to buy the liquid stuff whence I get to my destination…but then I have a chore to do right when I get there. Who wants to do chores on vacation?! The minute I get to where I want to go, I’m gone. There is nothing ahead but frozen margaritas and the realization I’m not at work. That’s enough. I made a to do list TO DO before I got here. So what? Now I have to find a store, take a cab to said store, then stroll through foreign aisles to collect new bottles of everything I just left at home!
Rambling is a habit of mine, but I do have a point: this is one of those lose-lose situations and I feel for all my fellow journeymen/women in this hassle. If you check a bag, there are fees with a majority of the airlines. If you carry-on your bag, you’re often stranded with meager amounts of the bare necessities. Maybe you manage to pack a midgie-toothpaste and that ridiculous invention of shampoo and conditioner within one bottle thing, but in reality, these substitutes are never what you really want. It seems they are simply an extra expense that the homeland security commission and the companies selling liquid products are forcing you to partake in!
Perhaps I just stumbled upon a new conspiracy involving the airlines and all the companies that sell products for cleanliness. Pay a lot of money for the big bottles – deodorant, contact solution, etc. – then when your vacation time finally comes around, you purchase their mini, overpriced, pinch hitters.
Lookout earthlings, I’ve peeled yet another layer off the giant onion I call our economy. They always find a new way to get you, don’t they? Maybe next decade there will be transporters like in Star Trek that include your luggage without an additional fee. But for now, we’ll continue our journeys via airplane, and more times than not, the trip is worth the obstacles – both financial and emotional – and we remember (thankfully) why it is we’ll do it all over again next year.
Thanks TGTG fans, for indulging me in my rant. I know I have too many, but they feel damn good anyway.
P.S. TGTG readers remember two things: One, I used the word whence in my blog here. Please if you choose to use it someday, use it sparingly as it can come off highly pretentious, as in the case of The Matrix trilogy, or, as in my case, it may just sound ludicrous.
Two, if you want to know the current rates of airline bag fees, visit your airline’s website or airfarewatchdog.com for US based airlines; it’s handy.
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